CHAPTER One
Adaptation of the novel "The Golden Calf" by Ilf and Petrov
KISA (Kisa), Holy Father Fyodor, Niletto, and the Street sweeper are sitting at a table in Kandeyka, drinking. Isaac enters. Everyone turns around and freezes in anticipation, with stupid expressions on their faces.
ISAAC
Well, what, homeless people, have you been bored?
KISA
I haven't.
ISAAC
Well, you're different. Vekh was messed up by his mother-in-law. And she just fucked us over, in your face.
Street sweeper
And I'm glad! Now, at least, I won't hear your whining. Isaac is back in charge and he's going to make something happen. Isn't that right?
Isaac
How can I say?
Street sweeper
Otherwise, why did you come to me?
ISAAC
You're right, Street sweeper. To you, not to these Nobs who've settled here for free, like orphans in an orphanage. Why are they hanging around? Is this a club for anonymous losers? Do they pay you for your room?
STREET SWEEPER
No, they're still eating at my expense. Well, except for Niletto. At least he helps sweep the yards in the morning.
KISA
The Street sweeper, well, we had an agreement that as soon as I get back on my feet, I'll give you everything?
ISAAC
And what did the priest promise you, a ticket to Heaven?
HOLY FATHER FYODOR
Don't blaspheme, Satan!
ISAAC
Whose cow is mooing. You bought your cross, the saint? Take an example from Niletto. Silent and seems smarter.
Street sweeper
Isaac, I'm sorry, but Hackeris mine.
ISAAC
Of course, Street sweeper. What are we talking about? You should, not your vassal.
Isaac approaches the table in a bossy manner, throws Father Fyodor off the chair, and sits down himself. He throws his legs over the corner of the table like an American.
ISAAC (continued)
Well, gentlemen, do you want to make easy money? Then listen and don't interrupt. I'll be in charge, and I'll be accompanied by the Street sweeper.
KISA
What does he have to do with it?
Holy Father Fyodor
I'm out. But I'll listen, out of curiosity. Maybe I'll agree.
ISAAC
Yes, please. There's no secret in anything.
KISA, himself the Street sweeper, his slave hacker Hackerand, of course, ISAAC are sitting at the table in the candelabra. ISAAC is sitting in the most trumped-up place and his legs are on the corner of the tabletop, next to the bottle of alcohol.
ISAAC
A new insurance company "Albatros" has opened in our city. And guess who the owner is?
Isaac takes a newspaper out of his shirt and shows the ad. The Street sweeper takes out his Iphone and dials a number.
ISAAC (continued)
Oh, Iphone? Street sweeper, where grabbed?
STREET SWEEPER
And this is the worker … Ale. girl, this is the company Albatros? I'm on the ad. You call GIRL. Okay. You insure against accidents? … I work on construction.
GIRL
(in the screen)
Yes. But the preliminary contribution is 2000 rubles, and in case of death, relatives can be paid 1000000 rubles. And so if sick, then sick leave and monetary compensation.
ISAAC
(Street sweeper)
Ask what will give for the fracture?
STREET SWEEPER
And if a fracture, construction as no less?!
GIRL
For fractures of varying severity, you can receive between 5,000 and 500,000 rubles.
STREET SWEEPER
Holy shit. No questions asked, we insure Hackerand break his little finger first by accident. Especially since he's currently working on the construction site in my place.
ISAAC
Does Hackerknow how to build?
STREET SWEEPER
Nah. He's a programmer. He just helps me clean up the construction site from debris. The owner, Bruns, pays well.
HACKER
(frightened)
I'm against it.
KISA
What?
HACKER
I don't want anything to be broken.
STREET SWEEPER
Who asked you?! Have you forgotten about the eternal debt?
And the Street sweeper throws himself at Hackerwith his fists.
